


Family isn't always what you're born into

by preciousbunnynoiz



Series: Love doesn't fix all but can help [5]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Podium Family, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-28 17:00:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10140536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/preciousbunnynoiz/pseuds/preciousbunnynoiz
Summary: Yurio has some questions about how Yuri is doing now he's been in treatment for awhile because it might just be what he needs to know to save himself





	

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the other stories in this series first or you'll be lost

“Yuri…how are you doing?”

Yuri glanced away from the television, the teen next to him kept his own eyes firmly on the game they were playing. The fact that Yurio was using his real name meant this was a serious question so he answered it seriously.

“I’m doing better. Therapy is helping” he replied with a shrug as he turned his attention back to the game.

“So you don’t hate yourself anymore?” Yurio asked, Yuri paused the game.

“No I still hate myself” Yurio’s forehead wrinkled in confusion as he turned to look at Yuri for the first time.

“But you’ve been in therapy for months! You said you were doing better!”

Yuri nodded and put down his controller.

“Yeah and I am, I still hate myself but I hate myself less. I don’t want to hurt myself anymore or stop existing so that’s a definite improvement but it’ll take a long time to unlearn this stuff.” Yuri explained. Yurio’s forehead wrinkled more as he tried to process this.

“I don’t understand” he admitted putting down his own controller and bringing his knees up to his chin.

Yuri looked at him, a finger tapping against his lips, as he thought. He nodded his head once decisively and got up from the couch and rummaged through a pile of papers. He found what he was looking for with a cry of triumph before sitting close to Yurio and handing him the sheet of paper.

“What is this?” the teen asked, looking at Yuri for guidance.

“My counsellor asked me to write down the negative beliefs I got from people in my life like my family, friends, and teachers. It really helped me and I thought showing you would help you understand.”

Yurio looked at the page, the insulting words of ‘worthless’, ‘ugly’, ‘fat’, ‘untalented’, and ‘delusional’ were repeated all over the page.

“Why do you have stuff written next to family? I thought your family was really nice and loving?” Yurio asked, risking a glance at the older skater. Why on earth would Yuri have any negative thoughts from his family?

“Yurio you were in my home for quite a while. In that time did you ever see a single person in my family hug me?” Yuri asked quietly, Yurio shook his head his eyes wide, “Of course you didn’t, my family isn’t very big on touch. I mean sure I was hugged as a child but at a certain age it all stopped. It wasn’t until Victor showed up and kept invading my personal space that I realised how touch-starved I was. Plus, my parents, while they have financially supported my skating through-out the years and have arranged public viewings…they still have zero understanding of the sport and Mari coming to the Grand Prix was the first time a family member has come to one of my competitions, and she didn’t even come from me she came for you. They didn’t come to my graduation either and my mom was actually happy I failed at nationals because it meant I could come home. Hell, my dad didn’t even recognise Victor even though my room was covered in posters of him. However, much they love me and have tried to support me they have never taken what I do **seriously** and because it felt like what I did and loved was unimportant to them I felt I was unimportant to them. I know logically that wasn’t the case but emotionally that’s how I felt. So, I learned that I was worthless. Plus, there’s all the people who made me feel like I had no talent and could never skate to the level I wanted to. Minako, Yuu-chan, Takeshi, Celestino and even Phichit all people who loved and supported me but they also made me feel like I could never be good enough. That I would always fail and that I shouldn’t try. Then that’s not even touching on the people who actually were malicious. Teachers who told me I was stupid, classmates who called me fat and ugly, the rinkmates who laughed at me and treated me like crap. Through all of them I learned all this shit about myself and I learned to hate myself.” Yuri explained. 

Yurio looked up at the paper, his expression tight and pained.

“But this is awful! I don’t understand why it helps you” he whined softly. Yuri smiled and leaned back on the couch, looking at the ceiling.

“It helps because it made me see I wasn’t inherently broken. I wasn’t born with depression and anxiety. I was taught these things by the world, I learned them…and I can train myself not to hate myself as well.” Yuri turned his head to look back at Yurio and smiled, “Besides I have a lot of the right support now too. I have Victor, Yakov, Jenny and you.”

Yurio shifted uncomfortably.

“But I’m so mean to you. Why aren’t I on this sheet with all the shitty things I’ve said and done.” He asked finally, his voice shaking. Yuri’s smile grew.

“Because what you say doesn’t matter to me.”

Yurio’s expression grew hurt and he curled in on himself a bit.

“Yurio don’t misunderstand. What you say doesn’t matter because what you don’t say is much louder and very important to me.” Yuri explained hastily, the hurt eased in Yurio’s face but he didn’t uncurl himself, “You always acted like you took me seriously as a competitor and you’re so blindingly talented that you taking me seriously, getting angry with me, yelling at me, teaching me the quad salchow…all of that told me you thought I had the potential to be greater than I am. Believe it or not your insults even boosted my self-esteem because I could hear that you were actually saying ‘try harder, I’m insulted because you’re going to easy on me’ and that was so much better than misguided support of ‘well you couldn’t really expect to get first place but you should still be happy’. Victor’s like that too, he is a harsh critic but it helps because he’s saying ‘you’re better than this’ and I need to hear that.”

As Yuri had explained things Yurio had slowly uncurled himself until he was sitting cross-legged on the couch. He looked down and started picking at a loose thread on the couch.

“Do you ever feel…like you don’t deserve to be depressed?” he asked after a long silence.

Yuri’s face softened as he looked at the young blond.

“All the time. I was really scared to see the therapist at first because of that.” Yuri answered. Yurio took a shuddering breath.

“I…I don’t know what’s going on with me. I should be happy, I gold medalled at my first Grand Prix in the senior division. I broke Victor’s short program record and everything should be fine. I don’t get anxious like you but everything…everything feels so bleak and empty and I have all this pressure to keep winning because if I don’t my family doesn’t eat and I don’t know…”

“Wait a minute what do you mean if you don’t win your family doesn’t eat?” Yuri interrupted with a frown. Yurio hugged himself tightly.

“I…I support my family financially. I’ve been doing so for a long time now.” Yuri’s frown deepened at this news.

“Well that stops now, I’m going to talk to Victor and we’re going to do something about that. A 16-year-old should not be financially supporting a family. We’ll work something out so that you don’t have that burden anymore.” Yuri told him firmly. A sob pulled out of Yurio who clamped a hand over his mouth.

“Why…why do you care?” he demanded of the older skater once he was sure he wouldn’t sob again.

“Because you’re family.” Yuri replied holding his arms out. Yurio surged forward and clung to the older man who wrapped his arms around Yurio protectively.

“Shhh it’s okay” Yuri crooned softly as he rocked the teen gently in his arms, “As for the rest, talk to Victor sometime. He doesn’t have chronic depression like me but he’s told me he went through periods of situational depression due to success and the pressures it brings. You’re not alone in feeling like this…and if you want to you could try talking to a therapist.”

“But I’m not like you but I still hate myself” Yurio confided.

“Depression manifests in different ways, there’s no ‘right’ way to have depression. You’re incredibly brave to start this conversation with me, but I encourage you talk to Victor and Yakov and to look at getting help. Don’t wait until you’re in twenties like I did.” Yuri urged petting Yurio’s hair, the teen clung to him tighter, “Do you want me to go with you when you talk to them?” he asked. There was a pause and then he felt Yurio nod his head against Yuri’s chest.

“Okay, it’s okay, we can do this. You can do this.” He said as he went back to gently rocking the teen as he cried.

Eventually Yurio fell asleep on Yuri, exhausted by the emotional outburst and that was how Victor found them when he came home. Yuri gave vague explanations in order to protect Yurio’s privacy until the teen felt able to talk about his issues but he did raise the subject of Yurio supporting his family. Victor’s face grew bleak and he excused himself to call Yurio’s grandfather.

By the time Yurio woke up Victor had set up one of his accounts to pay for the Plisetsky’s expenses and had Yurio’s funds set up in savings and trust funds. A separate standing order was set up to feed an allowance into Yurio’s checking account every month so he could enjoy being a teen. Victor made it very clear that that money was for Yurio’s personal use and was not to be spent on his mother or family’s expenses at all.

Yurio didn’t cry again but he held Yuri’s hand tightly as Victor explained that he wouldn’t have to pay for his family anymore and could relax a little and be a teenager.

“Why are you doing this?” Yurio asked quietly after Victor had explained everything.

Victor paused and tilted his head to the side in confusion.

“Because you’re family” was all he said and to his shock Yurio leapt off the couch to catch Victor in a quick bear hug before letting go.

“I’ve got to get home now. Hey Katsudon can you maybe set up the thing we talked about for me? I think I better do it tomorrow when I still feel brave” Yurio asked as he grabbed his bag, being careful not to look at anyone.

“Of course,” Yuri told him earning a small smile from the teen before he left.

Victor walked over and kissed the top of Yuri’s head.

“I’m proud of you love” he told Yuri who blushed and tensed at the praise.

“For what?” he mumbled

“For being there for Yurio, he obviously talked about something important with you and despite your own pain you were able to be there for him. That’s a big deal, so I’m proud of you.” Victor explained placing another kiss on the top of Yuri’s head. Yuri smiled and wrapped his arms around Victor.

“It’s because of you I’m in a place where I can help others” He said softly but Victor shook his head.

“It’s all down to your hard work” Victor argued. Yuri didn’t argue back knowing it wouldn’t get anywhere but he smiled into Victor’s stomach. It’s true he was putting in the work, but he wouldn’t have believed he was capable of it if Victor hadn’t believed in him.

Knowing that, Yuri was determined to believe in Yurio the way Victor believed in him.

“Victor…about tomorrow…”

**Author's Note:**

> Again this something I learned in my therapy: Even people who have good intentions and love you can fuck up your mental health. 
> 
> Yuri's family aren't bad people and they really love and care for Yuri but from what I've seen in the show they weren't able to show that love in a way that Yuri actually needed them too.


End file.
